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Working with the Parents of Students – 8 The Highly Involved Parents

by | Offline Marketing & Sales

Setting Expectations for Martial Arts Students Upfront

Authority is highly influenced by emotion.

While your staff and students may intellectually understand that you are the boss and master instructor, they have to feel it, not think it.

It’s the emotional connection that anchors your authority on a deep level.

If there is one powerful moment in your role as a professional martial arts instructor, it’s in the enrollment conference.

While the parents may see you as the master black belt, they usually don’t have an authoritative reverence at this early stage.

The enrollment conference is a seminal moment for you to establish your authority and gain the respect and gratitude of the family you’re dealing with.

Presenting the programs and their cost to parents can be tense at times. Some parents want to negotiate. Others might object to the agreement. Some want a safety net in case their child wants to quit.

While it’s important that you are prepared to overcome any objections, it’s when the bottom line is signed and the initial investment is completed that you have a critical window to demonstrate your authority.

Many owners complete the transaction and gush with statements like, “Awesome. It’s great to have you on board. Johnny, you did an awesome job tonight. High five! Thanks Mrs. Jones it’s great to have Johnny as part of our family. Let me know if I can help with anything.”

Barf.

Who has the role of authority here? Mrs. Jones and her credit card. That was a missed opportunity.

Let’s try again. You would adjust this script to the age and circumstance, but here is an authority template for the enrollment conference.

Mom has just enrolled Johnny into the program.

You, “Johnny. You want to learn Empower Kickboxing, right?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good. I want you to understand that your mom just enrolled you into a six month program. You are going to learn a lot of great skills and lessons. It’s going to be fun and sometimes it’s going to be hard. That’s the good part because that means you’re learning. So you have to pay attention and practice at home 20-minutes a day when you don’t have class.

Are you going to work hard and practice?”

“Yes sir.”

“I’m glad. Your classes are Monday and Wednesday at 5pm. When are your classes?”

“Monday and Wednesday at 5pm.”

“Good. You’re a smart guy. That means that you have to be ready to come to class by 4:30 on Monday and Wednesdays so that you’re not late. Will you do that?”

“Yes sir.”

“No matter what you are doing, you will be ready by 4:30, right?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good. The first lesson is integrity. Integrity means that you do what you say you are going to do. You keep your promises. You promise to work hard and be ready for class, right?”

“Yes sir.”

“No matter what you’re doing. Right?”

“Yes sir.”

“Great. We’re going to be so proud of you. Your mom just enrolled you, so please turn to her and say, ‘Thank you mom.”

“Thank you mom.”

“Alright. When someone does something good for you, you always say thank you. That’s called gratitude. What’s it called?”

“Gratitude.”

“Correct. So you’ve learned two important lessons today. Integrity and gratitude. What does integrity mean?

“Keeping your promises.”

“Yes. What does gratitude mean?”

“Saying thank you.”

“You got it! You are going to do great, I can tell already.”

“Remember, your class is…”

“Monday and Wednesday at 5pm.”

“When will you be ready to come to class?”

“4:30pm.”

“You have a good head on your shoulders Johnny. You’re going to be good at this.”

“Because you’ve showed your mom gratitude and you’re going to keep your promises, here is a school t-shirt for you to wear. Every time you put it on, I want you to think of integrity and gratitude. Will you do that?”

“Yes sir.”

“I just gave you a shirt. How do you show gratitude?”

“Thank you sir.”

As taught in the MATA Certification program, it’s also a good idea to let mom know that it’s important that she control what Johnny is doing around 4:30 which is the agreed upon to be ready for class.

If Johnny is playing with his friends or deep in a video game, it’s going to be harder to get him to get ready than if he is cleaning his bedroom or something he’d like to leave to go to class.

Keep in mind that mom is watching this happen before her eyes. What have you done to establish your authority?

  1. You’ve provided her with a language pattern that both her and Johnny understand. This is huge.
  2. You’ve given mom the “integrity” framework to deal with any reluctance to go to class.
  3. You’ve provided her with a strategy to engage Johnny in less fun activities so that going to class is an easy decision.
  4. You’ve laid out when Johnny should get ready for class without complaint.
  5. Before her eyes, you taught her son important lessons with real world examples. No doubt, your authority sky-rocketed in her eyes and in her heart.

Look for places where you can make these kinds of strong emotional connections.

Demonstrate true authority and leadership. That will last much longer than a trite, shallow compliments like “Awesome! Good job.”

This will help your students to understand how and why they are training with the best school.

Other parents may be quite demanding of you and their child. They continually express concerns to you about their child’s lack of progress through the belt ranks. They may constantly “coach from the sidelines” while their child is in class, and admonish the child for what they consider to be inadequate performance.

In such instances, it is helpful to establish appropriate boundaries for the parents with regard to their child’s training in the martial arts, and their interactions with you. These boundaries can be limits and guidelines which are set with regard to the behavior of the parent.

If you attempt to establish such boundaries, be aware that parents and their children tend to have their own special ways of relating to, and being involved with, one another. This is part of the “family system.” If you try to intervene in the way in which parents are involved in their child’s training, you may be “bucking the system.” There are some things that you can do, however, which may be beneficial to all concerned.

If you are setting boundaries for parents who seem to demand a lot from you and their child, the manner in which you frame this effort is critical. It is not that you want the parents to become less involved with the training, it’s simply that you want to assist them in finding new ways of being involved. Recognize that these parents may feel they are being helpful, and showing an interest in their child’s training. If you begin your conversations by voicing a sincere respect and appreciation for their desire to be helpful and supportive, you are building upon your working relationship.

One way in which you can begin to set limits on the frequent lengthy conversations in which you become involved is to establish regularly scheduled times when you can meet with them. You might explain that you regard these conversations as important, and setting aside specified times allows you to devote your attention more completely to the discussion.

Once you have established these appointments, keep them. It is also important that you specify the amount of time which you will spend in this discussion, and be consistent in beginning and ending on time. If these parents attempt to engage you in non-urgent matters outside of these discussions, remind them of your upcoming appointment, and assure them that they can bring this to your complete attention at that time.

Parents who continually coach from the sidelines, or admonish their child for what they see as inadequate performance, may believe that they are being helpful. Such behavior can, however, be disruptive to the child’s training (as well as to the rest of the class), and prove discouraging to the child.

A private conversation with these parents can possibly modify this behavior. This is how to handle the situation:

– Acknowledge the fact that they want to help their child.

– Explain that progress in training typically occurs in small increments.

– Suggest a strategy which focuses and builds on the child’s strengths, complimenting the child on the things that he/she does right.

– Ask that they hold their comments until the end of class, so that the child will be less distracted by other things that are going on, and more capable of hearing what they (the parents) have to say.

It is essential that these parents get the message, however, that you are the professional martial arts instructor, and in charge of training during class time.

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